Tomorrow marks the half way point of this second pregnancy, and my anticipation is building. While I’m sure that life with an infant and a newborn will present plenty of foreseen and unforeseen challenges, I’m excited to add another member to this family. I’m excited to hold a newborn again and to teach Henrie about being a big sister.
On Tuesday, our good friends, the Devanes, had their second baby a couple of weeks early, and the image of Brittaney hold both Harry and Oliver in her arms really brought it home: our number of children, and the love we have for them, is about to double in size. Where there was one, now there will be two.
While the arrival of baby number two is hopefully still a good 20 weeks away, our 20 week ultrasound is on Monday, and I’m both excited and nervous over the things we could discover. In the end, it doesn’t matter in the slightest if this little one is a boy or a girl. I get excited thinking about either one. In the end, I just hope this baby is well, and that is all.
Weeks 16 through 20 of this pregnancy have been relatively blissful. I’m sleeping more than usual, but even then, I really can’t complain. I love sleeping. Like most women, I started showing earlier than I did with my first pregnancy. At 20 weeks, I feel like I’m showing about as much as I was at 24 to 26 weeks last time. While I enjoy being pregnant (at least after 13 weeks), this part is still hard for me. When I’m not pregnant, my weight is fairly constant; in fact, I’ve been the same height and weight since I was about 17 years old. It feels strange to continue the behaviors of moderation and health that give me constancy and get bigger ever week. This is what is supposed to happen, and I am so thankful that my body is taking care of this little baby inside of me, but for someone who struggled with an eating disorder, it is an experience. Not earth shattering or scary, but certainly an experience. The pressures to be a “small” or “cute” pregnant woman notwithstanding, the fears are not really about the pregnancy itself, but rather afterwards. Being pregnant feels a little bit like surrendering my control. I don’t know what may come, but I have decided that it will be worth it.
The other thing that makes me so excited to have another baby is now I know what I’m doing! Sure, I make plenty of mistakes, and I’m certain that I’ll have to eat those words at least a hundred times between now and… Forever, because I’m pretty sure parenting never ends, but at least this time I have the vaguest idea of what parenting entails, what a baby needs, and how to deliver on those needs. I know how to breastfeed! I know how to cloth diaper! I know how much babies sleep, and I know how little I can plan to sleep. I know when babies start holding up their own heads and when they start sitting; I know when they begin to eat and how to make baby food. I know all the things I plan on doing the same way with this second baby and all the things I’m going to do completely differently.
And on top of that, I’ll have this little companion. Someone once told me that parenting is at once the most challenging, rewarding, and boring endeavor they had ever undertaken. While there are moments when your babies coos or drooling grins are fascinating, it’s true: staring at your baby, breastfeeding, and otherwise having both hands occupied with nothing to do can be terribly boring. But this time, I have Henrie. She’s learning to talk, and she loves a captive audience. So I’m hers and she’s mine for this baby year.
Well there’s the post on 20 weeks. Any predictions on the gender?
