Ok, so Henrie is still five days short of the 21 month mark, but we’re close, and I haven’t posted an update all about Henrie in a while.
Words: Mama (slowly becoming Mommy), Dada (slowly becoming Daddy), Baby Nadi (she and Baby Nadine, a little white bear, are inseparable), Kitty, DC (the name of her stuffed Kitty), Brother, Eat, Meow, Neigh, Moo, Cluck Cluck (like a chicken), Bow Wow (like a dog), Puppy, Stacy, Please, More, Bath, Pony (as in pony tail), Eye, Mouth, Teeth, Nose, Ear, Arm, Buddha (as in Belly), Feet, Diaper, Poop, Pee, Sorry, Hello, Bye Bye, Night Nights, Kiss, Help, Thank You, Eww, Cute, Waffle, Bike, Boy, Girl, Owie, Uh Oh, Bobeaux (as in shoes), Baby Nee (Baby Renee), Purple, Yellow, White, Red, Blue, Green, Pink, Two, Rock, Plane, Book, No, Nurse, Bottle, Nuk, Lara Bar, Snack, Banana, Cupcake, Cookie, Milk, Water, Papa, Rara (Auntie Sarah), Zeydah, Nana, Grandma, Boobah, Tink (as in, “sing twinkle, twinkle!”), Row (as in, “sing Row Row Row Your Boat”), Up, Oliver, Lila, Mine, School (probably not a comprehensive list, but close)
Favorites: a book called Feelings (she especially likes to imitate the sad feelings), a book called Are You My Mother?, Kitties (big time), Clementines, Baby Nadine, her best friend Cameron, water
Often seen: helping Mommy or Daddy in the kitchen or folding clothes, dancing, eating (the girl can eat), looking for kitties, pushing chairs around, holding Baby Nadine, wrapping stuffed toys up in blankets, reading books, playing chase or hide and go seek, singing songs, pointing out body parts, making animal noises
Big Changes: we weaned Henrie at night the week after Thanksgiving, and when we arrived in New Orleans, we first weaned her from her night nurse, then her nap nurse, and finally (two days ago) from her morning nurse. We’ve had a lot of tears and she’s still asking to nurse, but it’s actually been a little easier than I had anticipated. Night nursing was the hardest, and even then, it only took her three or four nights to understand. My strategy was just to say, “No, we don’t nurse (at this time of day). Henrie is a big girl. She’s so big, and I’m so proud of you. I know it’s sad. It makes me sad, too. It’s ok to be sad. It’s hard to grow up sometimes. I love you so much. No nursing. All gone.” I must say that I cried a few times too, but it was time. We needed to learn how to fall asleep without nursing, and most importantly, we needed to wean before baby number two comes along. I don’t want Henrie to feel supplanted when I start nursing baby number two.
Along with weaning, we’ve transitioned Henrie to a Pack ‘n Play at the foot of our bed. While traveling, we’ve made a little co-sleeper out of an ottoman sandwiched between our air mattress, the corner, and a chair, and I’m actually thinking that we’ll move to something like that at home. I still appreciate sleeping near Henrie, but it’s really nice for her to have her own space. I like the extended bed option because she never fully wakes up, and when she stirs, I only have to hand her the water or Baby Nadine or rub her back to get her to fall back asleep.
The hard stuff: the past month has presented a new challenge in parenting Henrie. While she’s relatively easy going, happy, and cheerful, she has begun to assert her independence in new and sometimes challenging ways. In particular, she’s begun favoring Joshua and rejecting me. I’m not the only one who gets rejected (grandparents and aunties have also felt the burn), but for me, it’s been really painful. While I want her to have a special relationship with her wonderful dad, and I know that the first year of her life was hard for Joshua because I was her primary parent, it’s still really hard to feel like Henrie doesn’t want me. The spending more time with her daddy isn’t hard, but it’s when she pushes me away, hits me, or yells “no” or “stop” when I come near her and try to pick her up that’s really painful.
I’m trying to cherish the moments when she does cuddle with me, when she seeks me out and when she wants to be held by me. I’m trying not to take it personally, but in my weaker moments, I worry that I’ve done something wrong. I worry that one of my greatest fears is coming true: that Henrie won’t want anything to do with me. Perhaps I can blame my pregnancy hormones, but I’ve cried a bit about this, too.
People reassure me that this is normal, that little girls often begin to prefer their daddies and go through phases of rejecting one parent or another. To be honest, I do find this reassuring. It’s when I think that I’m the only mother to be rejected by her 21 month old that I begin to worry that there’s something fundamentally wrong with me.
Dear Henrie, I love you so much. I can’t believe that your second Christmas has already past and you are walking and talking all over the place. You are such a wonderful girl, and even when things are hard, I feel so lucky to be your mom and get to watch you grow up. I’m excited to see you learn more and more and learn how to be a big sister, and I can’t wait to get to spend more time with you this year. Lots and lots of love, your Mom mom.
